


Sank Quietly Into A Bottle

by sunshinekat



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:24:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3754432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinekat/pseuds/sunshinekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian is constantly falling into the abyss and there's only one person who pulls him out, always, without fail. <br/>[SLASH] [slight humiliation kink] [joseb] [PWP]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Comfort

 a/n this is going to be separate ficlets about joseb and drama and sexytimes, no plot intended, enjoy. or not. your choice. 

 

  1.       Comfort



 

Joseph caught himself staring again. He’d tried to put it under control over the past few weeks but he realized belatedly that he couldn’t stop. There was something wrong with Sebastian. His usual dreary appearance had worsened and so had his drinking, the man stank of whiskey. Even Kidman wasn’t going anywhere near him. Joseph as Sebastian’s partner wasn’t sure what to do, after all the loss Sebastian had experienced over the years this would happen on occasion. He’d be fine for a long time and then, like rising water he would suddenly submerge into a depression and fall off the wagon like he’d been napping and life had dug a pothole in his path. This was just another pothole, another bump in the road and Sebastian needed help.

That was the problem though, Joseph knew he needed help but he didn’t---couldn’t help him, not when he was…he was susceptible to Sebastian’s moods, he couldn’t keep his calm, couldn’t observe rationally and objectively. And there was the inevitability of Sebastian’s return to this state even after recovery, leaving Joseph feeling that his efforts were all for naught. He sighed deeply when he saw Sebastian leaning on his chair with his hands holding his head, another hangover, it was only Tuesday and he’d--- Joseph’s temper flared impatiently, at least they didn’t have any current cases, but that was because they knew, they all knew and Sebastian understood just as well that he wasn’t going to get any more cases until he sobered up.

One of their fellow officers came up to Sebastian, “Boss wants to speak with you in his office.”

Joseph glanced at him, Sebastian didn’t bat an eye he stood up and walked to their superior’s office and Joseph waited by the door not wanting to be part of the resulting argument.

Sebastian really blew up, he yelled, threw the chair he was sitting on across the room and stomped out red faced and furious. Joseph peered in and was told in no so many words, “He’s your problem now, Oda.”

Joseph reluctantly followed Sebastian to his car, “We need to talk,” he said when Sebastian was opening the car door.

“No, we don’t. Get lost.”

Joseph wanted to do nothing more, “You’ll lose your job this time, Seb you can’t keep-“

Sebastian turned to face Joseph his expression cold and angry, “I’m not in the mood for you to play nurse right now, Joseph. Fuck off.”

He got in his car and drove away leaving Joseph with no other option.

He returned to their shared work desk and stared down at it, he searched Sebastian’s side and plucked out the tiny shot bottles of rum, the bottle of whiskey he had hidden in the back of the bottom drawer and put them all in a bag. Kidman approached him, “That time of year again?”

“It’s not a holiday, Kid!” He snapped, nobody here understood what Sebastian was going through right now. Nobody.

He sighed and turned to her seeing her stricken look, “I’m sorry, Kidman, I didn’t mean to yell, but you don’t understand. Sebastian isn’t the easiest…”

“Its fine,” Kidman said, “I don’t know him like you do, so…do the office a favor and bring him back to normal.”

Easier said than done.

 

His suspension was for about two months, two months of nothing, of his apartment and the liquor cabinet. Why had he bothered with this job anymore? He wasn’t saving anyone, in fact, for every person he did manage to help ten others were killed in some other horrible place. Sebastian stood by his window watching the city lights. He downed the remnants of whiskey from his glass and went to the kitchen to get more. He wasn’t ready to deal with any of this right now. He never would.

He glared at the cool amber liquid in his glass waiting for it to tell him to stop, but all it promised was peaceful oblivion, a break from all the misery and the sorrow and the loss---

He was about to give in when he heard his front door open.

He put the glass down and went to find his gun, but stopped when he saw Joseph standing in the hallway, he had a duffle bag in one hand and his laptop case looped over his shoulder.

“What do you want?” Sebastian demanded, “Didn’t I tell you before-”

Joseph put the duffle bag down along with his laptop bag and began to walk to where Sebastian was, he hadn’t said anything but Sebastian could tell he was irritated- no…angry maybe?

It annoyed Sebastian that he felt like he’d done something wrong, like it was his fault that Joseph was here when he wasn’t needed.

Joseph walked right past him and into the kitchen, the moment he heard glass break Sebastian followed. “What the hell are you doing?!”

Joseph was standing in a puddle of whiskey; he’d probably thrown the glass on the floor. He grabbed the bottle and Sebastian felt his stomach drop, “No! Wait- Please don’t-“

Joseph didn’t drop it, he didn’t tip it over, he threw it violently to the ground and let it shatter and splatter his pants and shoes with whiskey. Sebastian hesitated but anger and desperation won out, he quickly grabbed Joseph’s arm and yanked him back from the cupboard but Joseph managed to shove him off, actually kicked him and pushed him to the floor as he continued to ravage the kitchen, he found every bottle, every hiding place, every cup and threw it to the floor, he even threw some at Sebastian at the wall next to his head.

Sebastian was in so much shock he didn’t know what to do or say. Joseph was stiff and cold with rage. And here was Sebastian sick and guilty; disgusted with himself about how miserable he was now that he knew there wasn’t one drop left inside the apartment.

Joseph walked toward him then, panting, the sound of his nice shoes stepping on shattered glass echoed in the quiet kitchen. He squatted down in front of Sebastian and grabbed him by the hair and lifted his head, exposing his flushed, tear-stained face.

“Are you in the mood for me to play nurse now, Sebastian?”

Helpless and humiliated Sebastian didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the first time Joseph had come and taken his alcohol, it wasn’t the first time he’d ‘Play Nurse’ it was maybe the tenth time he came over to the apartment and pulled him out of this pit his life had become. But he’d never been angry, never violent, he’d never broken anything and seeing him like this, breathless and cold and so _angry_ at him. Sebastian couldn’t even stammer an apology.

But those feelings flitted away to be replaced with resentment, “You’re going to pay me back for those,” he sneered, “who asked you to come here anyway? I don’t need your help, get lost Joseph-”

That was when Joseph slapped him, hard and with the back of his hand.

It surprised him so much that Sebastian didn’t know what to do or say his first instinct which was to hit back had been stopped by the fact that it was Joseph and Joseph was a friend he wouldn’t hurt him so right now he just wanted an explanation.

Joseph let go of his hair and stood up, “Get up, Seb.” He said sternly.

Sebastian stood up, clumsily, senses still dulled from the whiskey.

Joseph took his hand and led him out of the kitchen and down the hallway and into the bathroom where he broke the tense silence by slamming the door behind him and locking it.

“Get undressed,” Joseph ordered. Sebastian stared at Joseph shocked and unsure which earned him another smack when Joseph leaned over and grabbed him by the hair and pulled him down to backhand him across the face again.

If it had been anyone else, anywhere else, Sebastian would have hit him back, and right now he was questioning why he hadn’t done it yet, why he was pulling off his shirt and pushing his pants over his hips as fast as he could. He didn’t know? Or did he? But it was Joseph he wouldn’t do something like this unless he had to and…and Sebastian deep down knew that he deserved it. He was trash. It was a simple fact.

 

Joseph pushed Sebastian into the shower and turned on the cold water, he watched the drunk idiot flinch and flounder under the icy spray, he hadn’t even fought him, Joseph watched coldly, his blood boiling, this wasn’t his friend. This was something that looked like Sebastian, smelled like Sebastian and talked like Sebastian but it wasn’t him.  Remembering him on that kitchen floor crying because he’d lost his precious whiskey---it had made Joseph so angry, so out of control that he’d actually- no, this wasn’t the time for regrets. He needed to do this objectively. He needed to keep his emotions at arm’s length until he found Sebastian.

Sebastian eventually stopped curling and flinching from the water and simply sat down under it. Joseph pulled the nozzle down and sprayed him all over with it, afterward he left the nozzle hang and reached for the soap. Joseph thought briefly about making Sebastian do it himself, he thought about it, and that had to count for something.  

Joseph grabbed the body wash and snapped off the cap and poured t over Sebastian’s head, he shoved Sebastian back and exposed the rest of his body and poured the rest of the soap over his chest and thighs.

Sebastian stared at him, confused, speechless, he lifted his hands to his chest and Joseph grabbed Sebastian by the throat and which made him freeze his movements looking up at Joseph with wide, confused eyes, “Do you really think a fucking animal like you can clean yourself?”

Sebastian grabbed his arm suddenly as if to fight, and for an instant it was the old Sebastian, but in that same instant he was dragged back into darkness and his arms fell slack and his eyes closed, there were no more tears this time.

Joseph glanced around for a rag or wash cloth but found nothing, he settled for his hands, perhaps it was a better choice, Sebastian would feel the humiliation more deeply now.

Joseph ran his fingers through Sebastian’s soapy hair, threading them through the greasy locks that hadn’t been properly cleaned in weeks. He felt irritated just remembering that Sebastian had fallen out so badly this time; that he hadn’t taken any care of himself. He scrubbed at Sebastian’s cheeks and jaw and down his neck. His fingers sliding against the stubble covered skin under his jaw, then Joseph went lower, he rubbed his hands all over Sebastian’s wide chest, he noticed with slight distaste that Sebastian was flushed, his cock was twitching.

“What the fuck is that?” Joseph hissed, “You really are an animal aren’t you?”

Sebastian swallowed thickly, he stared at the ceiling, as Joseph pinched his nipples with the tips of his nails, “Look at yourself, you’re a fucking mess.”

Sebastian still hadn’t moved but Joseph’s hands had, they followed that soap trail over his flat stomach, scrubbing insistently over his sensitive skin and when he reached between Sebastian’s legs there was a reaction. Sebastian grabbed his arms, “Joseph, what are you doing?”

“I’m cleaning a filthy dog.” Joseph sneered, “Why, what did you think I was doing?”

Sebastian was looking at him confused, still so confused, he bit his lip and let go and Joseph did as he pleased. He wrapped one soapy hand around Sebastian’s hardening cock and slid it up and down slowly until he was gasping and rock hard in his hand and then he let it go and continued to soap him up, he reached under Sebastian’s balls with his slippery fingers finding Sebastian’s anus and pressed teasingly against it as he spread soap along his sensitive flesh. Sebastian was trembling, his eyes focused on the tiles and there was no sound except for the spray of the shower head hitting the shower wall. Joseph spoke up, “What’s this?” his finger teased around the hole, “Do you want me to put my finger in here? I bet you need some serious cleaning here.”

Sebastian’s eyes snapped to Joseph’s face wide and uncertain, his mouth opened to speak but Joseph moved first he grabbed the shower head and sprayed Sebastian in the face with ice cold water as he rinsed the soap off his body.

 

Sebastian felt like he’d been flung off a cliff for a second. He spat out the soapy water and shut his eyes as Joseph rinsed him off. He felt awake; and aroused and humiliated beyond his limits. He could still feel Joseph’s hands on him, their warmth and skill and care as they moved over his body. But his voice had none of that, he was cold and angry and--- Sebastian dared to look at him now, his hair slicked back, he was still in his work clothes, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his almond shaped eyes hidden behind those thick rimmed glasses looked over him like he was as small as a bug, like he was a bother and something not worth giving attention to.

Sebastian watched him so intensely that his body began to react again, and he was aching for the feel of his fingers on his skin again, for the gentle press of his nails and the sting, oh god, the sting of his hand against his face. Sebastian realized this suddenly, and with it rose more complicated feelings and before he could properly address them Joseph caught his attention by grabbing his hair, “Get up, dog.”

Sebastian obeyed, not wanting to get hit, but wanting to at the same time and his brain was a jumble of confused desires. He was still hard when he got out of the shower, Joseph’s hand reminded him of that as he grabbed it and tugged him by his cock to the sink, where he made him stand absolutely still. Sebastian shuddered as he watched Joseph grab his tooth brush and squeeze tooth paste onto it. He looked up at Sebastian who even as he stood a good head taller knelt down without being told so that Joseph could open his mouth with his fingers and start brushing his teeth for him. He called Sebastian an idiot, a piece of trash, he called him a dog. As Joseph scrubbed away the taste of the whiskey from Sebastian’s mouth and saliva streamed from the corners of his open mouth Sebastian pressed his hands to Joseph’s knees, kneaded his hard thighs up to his crotch area where he found him hard, he slipped his hands in, still breathing through his nose, still drooling, still looking up at Joseph’s face--- he grabbed his cock and found it slick and warm. Sebastian moved his hand slowly, following the rhythm of the tooth brush in his mouth, he looked at Joseph’s mouth, how his lips parted and his breathes stuttered.

“Stick out your tongue, Seb.”

He obeyed, the bristles of the toothbrush on his tongue felt different from when he would do it, they sent tingles down his back, an itch under his skin that he couldn’t scratch, he moaned despite himself.

Joseph stopped suddenly, as he climaxed in his pants, all over Sebastian’s hand.

 

Joseph almost dropped the toothbrush, instead he took it out and dropped it in the sink, he bit his lip and undid his pants with his other hand he grabbed Sebastian’s head with the other, “Lick it off.”

He watched Sebastian wipe the toothpaste and saliva from his cheeks and chin and wordlessly began to lick him clean. Joseph tangled his fingers in his hair then, lost in the warmth and wet of Sebastian’s tongue, how gentle his movements were, even after what they’d just done. Sebastian looked up at him as he sucked him gently into his mouth, his golden brown eyes looking up at him; Joseph caressed his cheek with one hand as he licked upward now, his hands pulling Joseph’s pants down the rest of the way.

 Joseph was helpless as Sebastian’s hands slid under his shirt cold on his warm skin as they slowly lifted his shirt over his chest, Sebastian’s mouth close behind as he licked up Joseph’s firm stomach, lingering a bit on his sensitive bellybutton. When Sebastian reached his chest Joseph made a sound, he couldn’t help himself. His ankles were trapped by his pants and Sebastian was looming over him, breathing heavily in his ear, he grabbed Joseph’s shoulders and turned him to face the mirror as he grabbed Joseph’s ass and split his cheeks apart with his hands as he knelt down between them.

Joseph didn’t say a word, he could barely breath, one hand came up to the mirror when his whole body started at the tongue pressing against his anus, Sebastian was making him hard again, Joseph looked at his reflection in the mirror, at his own flushed face, his crooked glasses, his hair, his chest wet with kisses and gentle bite marks that were growing deeper in color as time passed. He bit his lip and glanced over his shoulder when Sebastian stood up again and one instant there was a hard press and the next the slide of his cock entering and Joseph gasped sharply, Sebastian caught his face with one hand and pulled him back against his naked, damp body. Joseph didn’t know what to do with his hands now; he grabbed what he could find, a hip with one and Seb’s arm with the other. The heady burn, the feeling of fullness, the ache and the warmth and everything about it was spiraling out of control.

Sebastian bit down gently on the space between Joseph’s neck and shoulder, not enough to leave a mark like the ones on his chest, but enough for him to pause, to stiffen and allow himself to be fucked, slowly, gently, a brief respite from the violence of his previous actions.

Sebastian’s free hand came to his chest, pinched his nipples making them hard and then he turned his attention to Joseph’s cock sliding his hand along its length as he stared at Joseph in the mirror.

That was the eye of the storm.

The hot press of Sebastian’s cock against Joseph’s prostate became too much and his body was demanding release, Sebastian’s hot breath against Joseph’s ear became rushed and Joseph pushed hard against the sink slamming Sebastian against the bathroom wall, Sebastian caught him with skill, the push not even disturbing his rhythm, he crushed briefly under his breath as Joseph slipped from his grip and turned around kicking off his pants and shoes and pulling off his shirt.

They stared at each other in a moment of awareness, questions floating between them with each breath, nothing needed to be answered; nothing between them had to change now.

Joseph moved a second late, Sebastian having been one step ahead of him as he grabbed Joseph and pinned him up against the door spreading his legs impatiently and pushing inside at the first opportunity.

They both knew how this worked, or at least thought they did, Joseph struggled not to say a word, but it was hard enough to breathe right because he was so overwhelmed by the man he had in his arms right now, before he could think straight he had his nails raking down Sebastian’s back without warning. Sebastian groaned in pain and bit his shoulder this time hard enough to bruise. Joseph bit his lower lip when Sebastian thrust into him hard and steady, the slide and the burn and the feeling of his cock slamming into him was making it hard to think, the bathroom was cramped, the doorknob was pressing against his side, the wood was going to give him _splinters_ dammit! But he was pulling Sebastian’s hair instead of complaining; he was suffocating him with kisses and raking his nails across his arms when he fucked him in just the right way, at just the right angle and in the right speed. He wanted to scream but all he could do was push back, bite the edges of Sebastian’s ear, mark him up so that he would know how much he was wanted, how badly he was desired. Joseph’s words were locked away, they were too far for him to grab onto so he clung to the flesh he could reach and he dug his longing into Sebastian’s skin.

Sebastian found the balance in between the molten fire of Joseph’s insides and the aching burn of his nails on his skin.  Somewhere in between the passion of his kiss he realized what Joseph was doing.  He grabbed his partner with one arm halting his thrusts and earning a hard bite on his shoulder and a panting, beg moaned into his ear. He unlocked the bathroom door and they made it into the hallway- he was aiming to get to the bedroom but Joseph knocked him off balance and when his back hit the floor he was pinned down and lost in the vision of Joseph riding him, he reached up and ran his fingers through Joseph’s hair, it was almost ethereal, his mind blanked as climax tore it’s way over his flesh, he grabbed Joseph’s hips with both hands and thrust upward and into him. Joseph’s glasses slipped right off his nose leaving his flushed, sweaty face in plain view, his coal black hair sticking to his forehead, his brow creased his lower lip red from biting and Sebastian wasn’t ashamed that he came just because of that- just because he saw his partner’s face above him, caught in the throes of a pleasure that Sebastian had given him.

It was like his soul awoke and the dim light he’d been living in cracked apart and Joseph, as always, was there.

Joseph cried out in the end, as his body spammed as he come spattered onto Sebastian’s chest.

 

Joseph slid off Sebastian’s chest and sat on the floor with his back against the wall, breathless, panting and gloriously naked.

Sebastian sat up on his elbows and stared, emotions flickering into existence.

“If this is what you’re planning to do whenever I’m in a slump, I’m not quitting whiskey.”

The glare he earned from that made him wince.

“Hand me my glasses, Seb.” Joseph said in a tired, hoarse voice.

Sebastian sat up completely and picked the black frames off the floor, he handed them over, “You look better without them.”

Joseph put them back on and Sebastian watched him surprised at the absurdity of the situation. Joseph was sitting on his hallway floor completely naked, Joseph opened his mouth to respond but he noticed Sebastian staring between his legs, before he could scold him Sebastian instantly crawled over and knelt between his legs. Joseph grabbed Sebastian’s head in surprise; he didn’t know what to do. He stared up at the ceiling in disbelief as Sebastian lapped his come from between Joseph’s legs; he was still shaking from the aftershocks and now-

Joseph made small sounds as Sebastian licked at his hole, his fingers tightening in his hair, Joseph wanted to say enough but he wouldn’t mean it, he wanted to keep him there, because every moment he was here in Joseph he was far away from the alcohol cabinet.

Sebastian’s eager sucking and licking had reached a mellow rhythm and before he ended up with another erection Joseph yanked Sebastian’s head up and stared at him, Sebastian licked his lips, “Hm?”

Joseph wanted to call him an idiot, wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to do this; wanted a lot of things.

“Come to me…” he said softly, “I’ll be here.”

Sebastian understood; he almost leaned forward to kiss him but stopped and laughed instead; he rested his head against Joseph’s chest, and when the laughs became soft and sad and those large, strong shoulders began to shake Joseph pulled Sebastian into his arms and let him mourn.

Because every few years he’d fall into this dark place where only his failures awaited him and it was up to Joseph to pull him out.

Every time, without fail.


	2. In The Nick of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A longing, finally answered.

In The Nick of Time

 

He was hunched over in the pouring rain for what had seemed like forever. Joseph watched him in solemn silence as he stood by the car getting wetter every second he waited for his partner to pull himself together. As he watched this he longed to pull Sebastian into his arms; it was something he felt often, something he’d grown used to feeling and ignoring. Sebastian belonged to someone else, someone long dead and always would. Joseph wanted to think that he could very well put aside his own desires and not step between the two, it was better to think about it as a barrier he couldn’t break. But the truth was, there was a wall between Joseph and Sebastian a wall that kept Sebastian in the cold and wet and dark and away from a warm body, and a warmer heart. Joseph wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them, to take Sebastian out of this sad place in which he seemed lost. Sebastian looked at him then, from his place by the cold and the wet, under the dark of a dripping oak; he looked almost surprised that Joseph was still there.

“Sorry…” came the soft whisper in the rain.

Would Sebastian allow him? There was finality to the question, something inside of Joseph had grown tired of this and wouldn’t allow him to step back and think rationally because inside he knew how long they’d been doing this.

He’d been driving Sebastian back and forth from this place for so long and every time he asked himself that same question but the knot in his throat and the burn in his chest wouldn’t let it go on anymore. Joseph stepped out onto the sidewalk and went to where Sebastian was; he went into the space forbidden to him where the line of their relationship lay like barbed wire between them.

He touched Sebastian’s shoulder, a plea, an invitation, a desire, a beckoning, Sebastian didn’t look at him but his hand came up and rested on top of Joseph’s.

He wanted to say it, ‘just come home with me’ but the words were locked away tight and the lock was rusty and it would take more than the key to-

“Get up, come on.”

From a quiet, somber request on New Year’s Eve, to the end of every six months to the end of every month to every other week Joseph would drive him here and wait for him to come back always wondering if one day he would decide that he was going to stay.

After all why shouldn’t he? His family was here.

If that ever happened Joseph would never forgive himself, and so he had to do something. Sebastian’s hand slipped from his own and Joseph’s request was met with silence.

The knot in Joseph’s throat almost choked him, his need demanding for release, he’d taken the first step and meeting resistance after all this time it was almost too much.

He knelt down slowly, grasping Sebastian’s shoulders, but Sebastian wasn’t looking at him and Joseph needed that more than anything, he needed that brooding gaze to meet his own so that he could remind Sebastian that he was alive and he was not alone.

“You can stay with me,” Joseph pleaded, “as long as you want.”

The alcoholism, the depression, the anger problems…all of it, Joseph had never thought he would ever want to embrace a man so badly.

“Even…” Joseph’s throat felt tight, the words came out like shards of broken glass from his lips, “even if you don’t…I don’t expect for you to ever…-“ he took his dripping glasses off to wipe them on the part of his shirt that was dry under his coat. Sebastian’s hands caught his face suddenly, they were damp and cold and Joseph dropped his glasses and put his hands over them, speechless. He could just barely see Sebastian’s face looking right at him. Joseph’s next breath came out soundless, as thunder joined the rainstorm.

Sebastian leaned forward and kissed Joseph softly on the mouth, a brief touch that made Joseph stiffen and hold his breath. His eyes closed instinctively and he found that he lived the warmth of this touch, that maybe Sebastian wasn’t the only one who was cold. Sebastian drew back slowly, the soft, rain covered kiss was over and Joseph hadn’t thought about repercussions before he moved forward and kissing Sebastian again, his hands escaping and grabbing Sebastian’s face. He fought his own fear throughout the silence of that embrace as he sought out Sebastian’s tongue with his own. He shifted forward and felt his knee brush something and immediately stopped and pulled back and picked up his glasses and checked for scratches, the damn things were almost five hundred…

He glanced at Sebastian realized that he’d ruined the moment.

Joseph wiped his glasses quickly and put them on. But he’d missed Sebastian’s expression; he missed his chance to gauge his reaction. Sebastian stood up and walked to the car and Joseph quickly went after him leaving the shattered pieces of his heart behind.

Joseph got in the driver’s seat and turned on the car, the loud rain closed away leaving them in the numb silence of the car and the calming hum of the air conditioning.

Joseph drove, kept his focus on getting to Sebastian’s house, the house he’d owned with the family in the cemetery. He licked his lips slowly, trying to erase the memory of their mouths pressed so closely together. But he found he couldn’t do it, not right now, not with Sebastian in the car, so close, so…present.

There was a red light and Joseph felt the silence choking him and when they finally arrived at the house twenty minutes later Sebastian spoke.

“I don’t think I can…” his words were warm and sad. He looked at Joseph, “I can’t make you any…promises.”

Joseph nodded quickly, “I don’t expect you to, I mean you’re not…I don’t know what I was thinking I know how much this means to you and-“

Sebastian caught his face in his hands again, their warmth sucking away all of Joseph’s doubts, “I don’t…I don’t want to replace what you’ve lost.” Joseph whispered softly, he blinked quickly, his hands coming up to Sebastian’s hands as they had before, “But I don’t want to see you like this either, please Seb, don’t make me-“

Sebastian kissed him again, and Joseph clung to him desperately, offering himself as a sacrifice to the pain that all but controlled Sebastian’s life.

They didn’t finish in the car, but the rain stopped and Sebastian went inside to pack an overnight bag and they stopped to eat something on the way home, and when they arrived Joseph ordered take out and they watched some television, each on separate sides of the couch.

But their gazes would meet every couple of minutes and the draw between them would no longer be ignored.

And all that Joseph understood for now was that he felt warmer in Sebastian’s arms than anywhere else.


	3. Promises part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is stuck living a moment that might never happen again, that might not mean what he so desperately wants it to.

Promises

Sebastian woke up because when he reached over to lay his hand on Joseph’s naked chest all he found was an empty space.   
It was a slow process, both waking up after a long night and piecing together the reality he lived in now and understanding the change that had happened so suddenly almost two weeks ago. 

They’d gone out of Krimson City for a case, for two months they’d lived in a cramped hotel room sleeping during the day, doing surveillance at night with never anytime for anything but the case. The details had been simple back then, underage girl runs away from home. But then there was the divorce, the step-brother and the missing dog collar. Joseph thrived on mysteries, contrary to Sebastian who liked slapping handcuffs on bad guys. If Joseph wanted a mystery team then he could try his luck with Kidman. The case expanded, lawyers were called, a suspect finally in custody, the girl reappeared finally, pregnant and missing a hand. It was a long case, a case that dredged up old family rivalries in a small town and eventually when the truth came out and the girl’s family was exposed the case finally came to an end.   
Sebastian and Joseph presented their evidence at court and had gone back to that tiny hotel room for the evening ready to sleep for a full night before the long drive back to KC headquarters. But when they arrived, hungry and exhausted beyond measure they both collapsed on their twin beds instead of packing, or bathing or ordering food.   
That was when the change happened.   
Sebastian woke up to the warm, delicious smell of pizza. He opened his eyes and saw Joseph sitting on his bed tapping away on his phone and eating a slice of pizza. Sebastian slowly sat up, stretched and yawned and leaned forward and picked a piece from the box in front of Joseph. Sebastian glanced at him but Joseph was distracted by his phone. Sebastian found himself watching his partner very closely, he could tell something was off; it might’ve been the open collar of his shirt, the sight of his bare feet, the stray lock of hair hanging by his pale cheek. Sebastian caught himself, stopped his straying sleep drunk mind from going any further, this wasn’t…it was…weird. It was too silent, Joseph had put his phone down, and when their eyes met Sebastian forgot about the food in his hand he…he did something stupid and when he thinks about what he could have done versus what he actually did nothing makes sense, nothing fits. He put the pizza aside, Joseph put down his phone, but they were both so so tired and so what? It was 2 am and nothing made sense right now, this could be a fever dream. But Sebastian went to the other twin bed and caught Joseph’s face in his hands and kissed him gently at first but it grew fevered and desperate. He pulled at Joseph’s clothes and Joseph skillfully unbuttoned Sebastian’s shirt. Sebastian felt Joseph’s nimble fingers in his hair and growled hungrily, he ripped Joseph’s shirt open and shoved his pants over his hips. Sebastian was too rough, he knows that now, he shouldn’t have let Joseph’s glasses fall; he shouldn’t have pushed Joseph onto his stomach and yanked his pants down. God, he was ashamed to even think about it now, he tried to find the details in his mind but all he could see was a hunger sated, a savage animal of a man getting his satisfaction where he could find it. He had a distinct flash of memory of seeing Joseph’s hand gripping the sheets, fingers tightly embedded in a gaudy blanket. A brief vision of his half turned face gasping, eyes closed shut, brows furrowed. The smell of sweat on the back of his neck. How tight he’d been, how lucky they both were that Sebastian knew enough about this kind of thing to use the motel’s gift basket lotion. Sebastian had taken what he wanted, he’d given a reach around but he’d still fallen asleep moments later, half hard and still inside.  
The ride back to Krimson City hadn’t been long at all, both of them surprisingly refreshed. Joseph discussed the case with him, no unease, no complaints, no mention of what they’d done, what he’d done.   
And now Sebastian couldn’t get it out of his head, he couldn’t go back to his old life the way Joseph had done so seamlessly. Sebastian was still aching, still hungry; he was living in that moment every day since it happened.   
For the first time in years he’d woken up warm, curled around another body.   
And now he was alone again.   
Sebastian sat up in his bed, angry. Not at Joseph of course, no, it wasn’t his fault. He was envious of Joseph who had taken it all in stride and gone back to his normal life. Sebastian struggled to follow that rhythm short of plainly asking Joseph how to handle a one night stand with your coworker.   
Sebastian looked at his clock and lay back in bed again. It was Saturday, the one day of the week he didn’t have to work. But lying in bed made him think about it.   
He stared at the ceiling trying to make his mind blank, it would take some time, to get used to this, but his pride wouldn’t let him linger on it. His life was dark enough without more problems.   
And that was when he remembered that they were all going out to eat today to celebrate Kidman’s promotion.   
Sebastian sucked in a sharp breath, he wasn’t ready.   
But then again, he was never ready. 

a/n nobody would ever treat pizza like that, to be honest. :/


	4. Wingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oda is done with being Sebastian's handler, just done.

Sank Quietly Into a Bottle

“Yes, he is handsome.”

“He’s my partner yes, oh, you want his number?...sure.”

“Oh, I don’t know if he’s looking for a girlfriend now.”

“I can introduce you if you like…no? Alright.”

Sebastian Castellanos was a very good-looking man, and it had gotten worse over the years. The hard lines of his jaw, the unruly brown hair, the eyes that spoke of inner pain that ached to be soothed by a delicate touch, the shoulders wide enough to curl legs over, the towering height, the big hands the long legs-

Yes, Sebastian Castellanos was a magnificent specimen of male.

But that didn’t mean every potential mate had to constantly pester Joseph about it. During cases he would always, _always_ have at least one woman ask about Sebastian’s availability. Joseph while usually encouraging them to ask Seb personally he also had to be the one to gently shoot them down when Seb was seconds from saying something like: “Go away.” “Do I know you?” “I’m not dating, leave.” “We’re on a case and this is highly unprofessional.”

It was Joseph’s job to get them as far from Sebastian as possible.

So the day came when he finally decided to confront Sebastian about it, he wasn’t doing it anymore, he wasn’t going to wingman or do anything of the sort for him anymore. He was DONE.

They met at the usual place, tiny coffee shop, had great snack food.

Sebastian sat down; he was looking haggard though, like he’d been up all night. Joseph frowned, “get any sleep last night?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Seb replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, “Don’t be a worrywart.”

“Alright, I won’t.” Joseph said plainly, taking a gentle sip of his coffee. He glanced at the menu, “so what are you eating?” he looked at Seb and noticed he was staring, “huh?” he snatched up his own menu, “Oh, um…those little things with the white-what’s that called again?”

“French toast and coffee it is then.” Joseph said putting his menu down, he put in the order before Seb could change it. The man never remembered what he ordered here, NEVER.

Seb slid his menu aside with a huff, “Why bother asking if you’re just going to say what you want-“

“You wouldn’t have remembered anyways.” Joseph said, he sighed gently wondering how he was going to say it. He didn’t want to be rude, but he had to be honest. Even now there were at least three people in the room checking Sebastian out. If Joseph got up to use the rest room he would be hounded without a doubt.

“I have something to say to you.” Joseph began; this might bring on a bigger headache.

“Yeah?” Seb was staring at him now; Joseph had his full attention and felt suddenly shy, and almost stammered out something foolish, _almost._

“It’s about a problem I’m facing regarding…well…you.”

Sebastian smirked at him, like he thought he knew, “Oh? A problem huh, what is it? Wait; let me guess…I can never remember what to order here.”

Joseph narrowed his eyes at Sebastian, “you…this is exactly why- you want to know why? Fine, I’ll tell you, I’m done being your wingman!” Joseph took an angry sip of his coffee.

Sebastian’s brows raised in surprise, “Wing man? I’ve got no idea-“

“No, you don’t.” Joseph interrupted smoothly, he took another quick sip of his black coffee and put the glass back down a bit louder than usual, “there is a constant flow of people all of whom are attracted to you and they come to me and ask questions that they should be asking you!”

Sebastian had the gall to look surprised, and his cluelessness made Joseph’s temper flare, it was just like him, just like Sebastian to be completely unaware.

“Seb, don’t give me that look. Don’t act like you haven’t noticed.”

“I haven’t noticed anything!” Sebastian says, he takes a calm drink of his coffee and puts the cup down gently, emulating the patience of a saint. “Are you sure this isn’t just your imagination? And anyway, why would they be asking you anything?”

Joseph glared at him, “don’t get smart, Seb.” He straightened his glasses with a huff.

Sebastian was staring at him and then Joseph thought he saw a flicker of something in his gaze, and his whole demeanor changed, Sebastian shifted in his seat and _smirked._

“what.” Joseph deadpanned, he didn’t like that look, he hated it when Sebastian was smug.

“well, now that I think about it.”

“you don’t have to think about anything, it’s completely obvious and you are just very good at ignoring-“

“no, that’s not what I’m talking about, what I mean is that I kind of understand why they direct questions at you.” his smirk twitched like he was trying to hold in laughter, “come on, you haven’t thought about it?”

What about?! This was ridiculous, those people were asking Joseph because they wanted an in. They wanted to seem like casual friends and then work their way- wait. WAIT.

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it?”

“It’s impossible.”

“We’re always together, we’re together now.”

“I’m not the one getting the attention here-“

“You’re getting my attention-“

“That’s the problem!”

“Why?”

“Because-…because…damn it Seb don’t turn this around on me I’m just telling you I’m not going to be the barrier for your desperate admirers!”

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, smug smile on his face “call it what you want, you are the cause of your own problem. I have nothing to do with it.”

Joseph bristled, “You’re not being serious.”

“They’re jealous of you, they want to be you and frankly I can’t blame them.”

“Nobody wants to have to play wing man for a bone head like you Seb.” Joseph deadpans.

Sebastian sighs, “That’s not what I meant.”

“What is it then? Go on; tell me. _”_ Joseph went to drink his coffee only to find it room temperature; he put it down with a disgusted sigh. He glanced at Sebastian who was staring at him.

“First of all it’s obvious why they approach you first; we are always together, even if we’re not on a case.”

“We’re partners; it’s part of the job.” Joseph snapped, he instantly regretted it when he saw Sebastian narrow his brow.

“Say what you want, whether or not you only stay with me because of the _job_ but it doesn’t look like that, they only ask because they think we’re together!”

Joseph didn’t gasp but he felt his face heat up, panicked thoughts racing through his brain, had he done anything to make that kind of impression? This didn’t make any sense! And when he looked at Sebastian he could see the embarrassment plain on his face, like he hadn’t meant to say that.

“I should rephrase that…” Sebastian said softly.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say anything.”

“yeah, let’s do that.”

The waiter came with two plates of French toast and fresh coffee.

Joseph’s brain kept repeating Sebastian’s words in his head, he’d phrased it clearly, how had he intended to clarify it? He chanced a look at Sebastian who was putting all his focus on that French toast and coffee. Joseph took a cautionary sip from his new cup of coffee and sighed softly at the delicious burn of it. There was nothing like fresh coffee.

“Good coffee, huh.” Sebastian said, he’d stopped eating and was looking at Joseph. Joseph nodded wordlessly. He started on his French toast but was disappointed that it was smothered in syrup. He looked to Sebastian, “Hey, Seb, do you want-“

Sebastian stopped what he was doing and Joseph’s face colored bright red, “what the hell are you doing!” Joseph ground out, he picked up a few napkins and grabbed Sebastian’s hand and began to wipe off the excess syrup. “Are you a kid? You don’t do that in public, Seb.” He sighed irritably, “You’re so embarrassing!”

“You know this is proof that you’re the cause of this problem right?” Sebastian said with a huff as Joseph carefully cleaned his fingers one by one, “I’ve got some wipes in the car, just…don’t touch anything.” He glared at Sebastian, “and this only proves that you are a disgusting, messy animal, Sebastian. It has nothing to do with me.”

Sebastian glared back at him, obviously not liking being called an animal, “yeah? Well you’re the one acting like a fussy _wife_ in public, no wonder you intimidate all my potential girlfriends.”

“What!?” Joseph hissed, keeping his voice down, he realized he was still holding Sebastian’s hand and let it drop where it was, “potential girlfriends? In case you didn’t know, Seb; The kind of women that you attract are mostly unattractive harpies!”

No, they were usually attractive older women who were married or younger women who had a thing for men in trench-coats and then there were the other ones who could smell the emotional pain coming off of Seb in waves and wanted to fix him.

Sebastian growled, he actually growled, he looked like he wanted to crawl over the table and crush Joseph’s head between his hands.

“The only harpy I see is you, Joseph!” he ground out flushed with anger.

Joseph gasped aloud, he was about to throw his coffee at him when suddenly a waitress appeared with the check. A cute waitress, with big shining blue eyes and breasts to match and her pretty face kept glancing in Sebastian’s direction.  

“Can I help you?” Joseph found himself asking.

The girl looked at him like a deer in the headlights, “Oh, I just noticed your friend here looked a bit lonely, if ya’ll are looking for company later I’m meeting a friend at the movies and-“

Joseph sighed, “I’m sorry miss, but we’re in the middle of something right now,”

The waitress’ smile twitched, “I have a friend, I mean, you could both come-“

“No thank you, miss. Me and my partner are in the middle of something so thank you for the check, also could you please find our waiter so we can tip him?”

The girl flushed, “oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll go get your waiter now!” and she hurried away with an embarrassed flush.

Joseph turned back to Sebastian ready to resume the argument but found him staring with wide shocked eyes.

“Do you always do that?” Sebastian asked, “With every woman who comes asking?”

Joseph sighs at him, “no, and she wasn’t asking, I can tell when they do that. This is what I do with everyone.”

Sebastian stayed silent for a moment, “you tell them we’re partners?”

“We are.” Joseph ground out, already getting irritated.

“You tell everyone that I am your partner?”

“Yes!”

“Does anyone ever ask for how long?”

Joseph frowned, “occasionally…”

“And you tell them right? You tell them how long we’ve been partners?”

“Dammit Seb just get to the point!” Joseph felt himself flushing, “and why do you have to say it like that?!”

“Because that’s how it sounds.” Sebastian said with a barely restrained chuckle, “you make it sound like that. The waitress just now thought that you and I were partners.”

“But we are partners! And I did not make it sound like anything.”

Sebastian raised his hands in defeat, “fine. Alright. I give up.”

Joseph sat back in his chair, satisfied with his victory.

“But I guess this means you’ll have to start giving me hand jobs once in a while to make up for how much you cock-block me.”

And in the end, Joseph did throw his now room temperature coffee at Sebastian, he also flipped the table and called him a pervert and that he’d have to call a cab because “I’m taking the car!”

And Sebastian was left to clarify the situation, verbally and monetarily.

They were partners for years now, and in no way did that make them a couple.

No way at all.  

 

 

 

 


	5. Desk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever else comes, they will always have this moment.

 

For every struggle, there was a languid stretch. For every hard push there was a hand clawing him back. And for every insult, there was a wanton, honey-soaked _plea._

Sebastian hadn’t thought it through, hadn’t expected it, he’d never done it like this before, hadn’t exposed himself like this and while his heart told him it was a big mistake and would have dire repercussions, his body clung to the submissive, tantalizing body beneath his own. He hooked those long, pale legs over his shoulders and pushed, did what he could, breathless as he was. He wanted to be inside, wanted to possess and own and please. The one beneath him, his sweat-slickened partner had knocked all his things off the desk and was glaring up at him with his hands gripping Sebastian’s forearms. He was speaking with his eyes, chewing on his bottom lip, flushed and refusing to voice it.

Sebastian looked away for a moment, needing an escape from the draw of that gaze, because he knew it too well, and he could see that same awareness in those dark brown eyes.

There was a strangled gasp, Sebastian hadn’t yet moved, he’d pushed and prodded and sunk inside but hadn’t moved, he thought he was being kind, he thought that this took more time than with a woman, he thought that J-

That this man, this person had prepared himself because he’d started it, he’d been the one who came onto Sebastian first, he’d walked in and stripped off his clothes and sat on Sebastian’s lap and nibbled his ear and whispered promises, revelations and…and intentions.

Sebastian was weak. That was all he could tell himself as he strained to keep still, as he denied himself the pleasure of pulling out and pushing back inside, filling him to the brim and repeating that sole movement until he had Jos—this _man_ in tears.

He waited, he stared everywhere but at the panting body beneath him, he ignored the nails digging into his arms and the pulsing stretch around his cock.

And when the begging started he covered Joseph’s mouth with his hand.

“I’m doing this for you, not for me.” He said staring down at him. Joseph licked his palm, making him shudder; he stared up at him with those lust-glazed eyes. He raked his teeth along the skin of Sebastian’s palm pleading in the only way he could, while his hands gripped the front of Sebastian’s vest and tugged him downward. Sebastian resisted the pull, just a little, and the moment his body jerked there was a scream beneath his palm. Joseph’s body tightened around him and struggled to suck him in deeper, a wet, tight grip refusing to let him go. Sebastian groaned softly, his control slipping as he dragged his cock out of Joseph’s body, leaving his hips shaking.

Sebastian pulled his hand away from Joseph’s mouth and saw his breathless, flushed expression, his whole body convulsed and he came with a mantra of sobs. He kicked Seb’s head, called him an idiot; like he’d forgotten his keys in the office again, or had spent the night at his desk. Sebastian chuckled and teased the rim of Joseph’s ass with the tips of his fingers, pushing in and sliding out just a little. The soft, giving flesh of Joseph’s body pulsed around his fingers. Joseph made a soft, breathless sound, he tried to say Sebastian’s name but all that came out of his lips was a soft whine. Sebastian looked at him, met his eyes and watched his expression as he pushed his cock back inside, staring as Joseph collapsed back against the desk, his shaking hands coming back to his lips to block out his cries. Sebastian makes him cry louder with each thrust punishing him, punishing them both. This is a bad idea. It’s too delicious not to be. He grabbed one of Joseph’s hands and brought it to his mouth, he sucked two first fingers into his mouth and Joseph let out a strangled groan. Sebastian’s hips snapped against Joseph’s ass taking his own pleasure from Joseph’s sensitive body.

For every push of Sebastian’s body, Joseph clung to him. The slide of his fingers against Sebastian’s tongue there was the inevitable shudder of pleasure. And when Sebastian slid his fingers out and kissed his palm Joseph was a wreck, red faced and begging, his glasses slid off his face and he’d threaded his free hand through his own hair and pulled helpless in his own pleasure as his body convulsed again, as Sebastian joined him and groaned hard and wet against his palm.

Sebastian slid out of Joseph’s body, his come dripping out of his warm, slick hole. He leaned over and kissed his forehead.

There would be troubles because of this, consequences. But they would come later, when Joseph was cleaned and cared for and Sebastian was satisfied with that.

Tomorrow was still a long ways away.

 


	6. Holiday Cheer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holidays aren't really a good time of year for Sebastian, not anymore.

a/n late halloween post. whatever. anyway this might be kind of spoilery but not really. enjoy. happy sam hain or late anyway. 

Sebastian was glad he had the weekend off. In the back of his mind he was sure he knew why but he preferred not to think too much about it. Plainly enough, it was just that holiday season wasn’t exactly his preferred time of year…not…not anymore. He spent the day alone in his house, watching some documentary and eating take out in his pajamas. Occasionally he’d look at the empty liquor cabinet and wonder about maybe spending the next few days in a stupor. He decided against it, and surprised himself by how much strength it took for him. Before he wouldn’t have hesitated, he would have emptied the whole damn thing. He knew now, two years after being allowed to miss his AA meetings, that he had power over his alcoholism, even if he didn’t possess any over the other problems in his life. At times all he wished was a rest from his own thoughts, from the miserable hole his life had become in such a short time. How anything that had mattered had been taken from him and he’d been left with nothing. Each and every single time he thought he had the answer he would find himself standing in front of that empty cabinet wondering if today would be the day he tripped up, the day he would fuck everything up again. There was a single comfort from that painful revelation, that seemingly endless process of negativity. He turned off the television and walked upstairs to his bedroom and when he opened it he saw Joseph lying in the middle of his bed, still dressed as a pirate from last night’s party. He looked a little hungover, even fast asleep. The dark circles under his eyes reminded Sebastian about the time their job took from them, about what little it left behind for them to enjoy as people. Last night Sebastian had stayed in, and Joseph had left with a small smile and a gentle kiss to his cheek.   
I’ll be back later.  
It was a company party, and Sebastian knew that nobody really expected him to go, not-…he just didn’t go to those kinds of things anymore. Joseph didn’t fight about it, and he never invited but each and every time he would offer to stay in, they could spend it together. Sebastian would decline the offer every time because the relationship- no, the understanding that they had wasn’t like that. At the start Joseph had begun spending a few late nights on Sebastian’s couch, and a slight turn of events changed that to his bed. They hadn’t properly talked about what they were yet, and Sebastian’s was glad because he wasn’t ever going to be ready for that. He wasn’t ever going to be ready since receiving something like that meant having to let go of what used to be.   
That small part of him was never going to change because it kept that part of her alive inside of him. It kept them all together as a family even if the reality of their separation cruelly sunk in again and again each morning.   
Sebastian sat down on the edge of the bed and placed his hand gently on Joseph’s head, felt his soft black hair, like silk between his fingers. Joseph knew all of these things about him, he had never sought to change them, only the alcoholism and for that Sebastian owed him only gratitude. Each day was a battle but at least he had Joseph with him, at least during these times when loss cut deeper he would still have his partner at his side. Sebastian curled up next to Joseph, not too close, and he covered his hand with his own and calmed by that single link he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.   
He could still see his family behind his closed eyelids.


	7. Of Shelter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is trying to keep them safe, but his boundaries have their limits.

They found shelter in an abandoned bus, lodged halfway into a building. The sun had set hours ago and things were starting to come out of the shadows, things that screeched into the dark, things what weren’t human. Joseph had hurt his leg during a chase, Sebastian had to help him through without being able to defend them, he hated not just ending those thing’s lives. He despised having to hide and creep around them, to put their lives on the line every time he threw a glass bottle at a nearby wall. It was in the shelter of this bus behind those damp, cracked windows that they found a brief respite from the fear. Ruben could be watching them right now, and Leslie could be anywhere right now, god knows what happened to Kidman. All these things hung on Sebastian’s mind like iron weights, he wanted them gone. He wanted Ruben to disappear, or die or something! And Leslie and Kidman to just drop out of the sky with a medkit so that they could get Joseph on his feet and get the fuck out of this hellhole! He sat down on the floor of the bus and stared at Joseph huddled between seats trying to get comfortable. Their only source of light was the pole that the bus had crashed into; it was dim and flickering, making the shadows in the windows all the more threatening. Sebastian and Joseph froze when they heard a sound outside the bus, Sebastian looked at Joseph and saw that terrified expression, a fear he knew well but would fight no matter what. They were going to survive this. The sound was footsteps, something metal being dragged alongside the bus on Sebastian’s side. Sebastian pulled out his pocketknife, his only truly useful weapon and signaled Joseph to stay still. Ignoring Joseph’s panicked shaking of his head, Sebastian slid down to the only entrance the bus had, the doors had both been closed but at the outer corner there was a rip, probably from colliding with another vehicle before finishing off in the building. It was a tight crevice but if two grown men could fit through it, so could whatever was outside right now.

Sebastian held his knife at the ready, his breathing slowed and his senses heightened. The minute the shadow showed itself he dragged it into the bus. Sebastian dragged his weapon across the struggling man’s throat, warm thick blood soaking his arm. Now that it couldn’t scream and alert any other nearby enemies he started shoving his blade into its side, habit of course, vital organs didn’t matter here, he could smell the stench of disease on its body. Sebastian kept his breathing low, not to make too much sound, but he couldn’t stop stabbing the body long after it had stopped moving. He found each plunge more satisfying than the last and he needed something, anything that gave him a lasting feeling that wasn’t fear. Sebastian knelt in the dark tearing the body apart until he was soaked in blood. He only stopped when Joseph grabbed his wrist and took his knife from him. Sebastian couldn’t see Joseph’s face well in the poor light, he was glad. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what his partner’s opinion was right now. Joseph lifted him and led him back to their safe spot away from the body and under the flickering lamplight.

Sebastian knelt down and held back a grimace when he saw Joseph’s leg had blood on it; he’d walked on the damn thing without making a sound. He’d walked on his injured leg to stop Sebastian from…he didn’t know what to call it, but he hated that he’d exposed Joseph to even more pain and fear despite trying to protect him. If only he had something-…something that could get rid of that injury. Sebastian watched Joseph settle into his corner, leaving his injured leg laid out straight, in the shadows Sebastian only saw his mouth and blood smeared jaw. This wasn’t right- Joseph was a clean man, he was a serious man he didn’t deserve to be in a place like this. Exhaustion crept up on them, Sebastian leaned his head back, his mind trying to stay alert, trying to tell him to stay awake, or at least wait until Joseph had a couple of hours sleep. But it came, like a blanket of darkness.

And he woke in the hospital room. The nurse with the red sweater greeted him, “Welcome back, how are you feeling?”

Sebastian glanced at the mirror at the end of the hall and took a step to go back to Joseph but stopped when he remembered. He went to where the nurse was and pulled a handful of keys out of his pocket, “Where do these go?”

The nurse smiled placidly, “Oh, you have a lot. Follow me.”

She led him to a backroom filled with lockers. He had about seven keys, “What’s inside?”

“Go ahead and unlock one, maybe you’ll find something inside to help your sweetheart.”

Sebastian scowled at her, but didn’t say anything. In the first few lockers he found a pistol, some ammo, a few lighters and a torch. In the last ones he struck gold with a pack of syringes, three medkits and fresh bandages and some dried fruit. Joseph would be alright. He shoved all this into his pack and walked out ready to back to Joseph when the nurse stopped him. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?”

“What? No, why?” he shrugged her off. “Joseph isn’t ready to see you yet.”

Sebastian scowled again, “you’re not making sense.”

“Just a few more hours... “

If he waited any longer it was only a matter of time before another one of those things got into the bus. Sebastian ignored her and went to the mirror at the end of the hall. In its reflection he saw Joseph’s face, but it wasn’t him, it gave him an uneasy feeling when he saw those telltale signs of disease on Joseph’s usually unmarred face.

 

Sebastian woke with his pack in his arms, but Joseph wasn’t where he’d left him. It was dawning outside and Sebastian jumped up and looked around, he was visibly relieved when he saw Joseph kneeling by the body. He went to him, “Joseph…” he said.

Was he searching the body? Did he find something of use?

What was that sound he was making? Sebastian remembered Joseph’s face in the mirror and hesitated, his free hand went to his knife. That sound wasn’t coming from Joseph; it was coming from the body.

When Sebastian touched Joseph’s shoulder, Joseph turned and grinned at him, elbow deep inside the chest cavity of the rabid monstrous man who’d come in the night. “I found it…” he said with a desperate tinge to his voice, “I…found…it!”

He pulled his arms out and held out his hand’s contents to Sebastian, the man’s overgrown, mutilated heart filled Joseph’s hands.

Sebastian stepped back, his hand on his knife hesitant, fearful. No, not Joseph. Please. Not him.

Joseph stood up and he began to change, the boils, the sores, the blood in the eyes.

Not him, please, Joseph.

Sebastian couldn’t take his knife out; he couldn’t draw a weapon on Joseph. “Joseph, what’s wrong with you? Wake up-“

Joseph lunged at him with a raw cry and Sebastian shoved him back. Joseph was relentless; he got back up and grabbed at Sebastian, maddened by whatever had happened to him while Sebastian was sleeping.

“Joseph, stop! This isn’t you! Don’t do this- dammit!” Sebastian grabbed Joseph and flipped him afterward straddling him and holding him down. “Stop!” he ground out, desperate, angry, wishing he had never gone to sleep.

“Joseph _please!_ ” he cried, “don’t make me do this to you!” he said, with both of Joseph’s wrists caught under his hand it was only a matter of ending his life with the blade at Sebastian’s hip.

His mind was telling him that Joseph wasn’t Joseph anymore, that this wasn’t his friend and that he needed to end it. But that nurse called him a sweetheart. She’d tried to stop him from coming back which meant…which meant it was temporary?

Sebastian took a chance and instead of grabbing the knife, he grabbed a syringe and plunged it into the side of Joseph’s neck. He watched the acidic green sludge slither into Joseph’s skin, fill his veins, Joseph gasped sharply and began to scream. Sebastian covered his mouth with his hands trying to keep him quiet. Joseph struggled and Sebastian had to use his hands again to hold him down, with no other option he covered Joseph’s mouth with his own, latching onto his tongue, his cries were muffled, confused, pained. The struggling continued and Sebastian breathing hard through his nose, bore down on Joseph’s struggling, kicking body with his own, larger one. To be this close to him was new, it was strange and heartrending because anything could happen. Joseph could kill him now, bite off his tongue and let him choke on his own blood. Or he himself could die because of Sebastian.

The struggles stopped. The screaming stopped. Joseph’s whole body was still warm, still trembling. The warm mouth under his moved gently, as if trying to detach from the awkward kiss that it was. Sebastian lifted his head and gazed into the warm brown eyes he knew, no more blood, no more boils or sores. Sebastian sat up and stared down at him, “Joseph…”

Joseph stared back up at him, face flushed, “ah…did something happen last night?” he sat up on his elbows like they weren’t in a living nightmare and that he didn’t just try to murder him.

Feeling embarrassed was wildly inappropriate; Sebastian knew he should have been more serious about the whole thing. But even though he was blunt for most of the explanation it still came off as a, ‘and then I had to make out with you’ scenario.

He showed Joseph his bounty and gave him a few syringes, “If you’re not feeling right, or start…I don’t know…just…use it.” he said. The dawn had come. Joseph took the syringes and looked at Sebastian, “Thank you.” he said, “for saving me.”

Sebastian glanced away, “You’re my partner.” He said, “We’re in this together.”

Deep inside, Sebastian knew that if something, anything happened to Joseph he wasn’t going to survive. It was that simple.

 

A/N yeah, there's no way you'd find that much gear in the actual game. Cut me some slack tho.


	8. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian had to come back, he hadn't known that Joseph had been left behind.

 A/ N Found this little gem in my backlog, thought I'd posted it but apparently not. how terrible. oh well, here it is. :3

 

Sebastian found him in one of the cells. The cushioned walls were covered in black smears not unlike dried blood. They depicted a crude drawing of a man with thick rimmed glasses, his eyes bleeding holes in a screaming face. Sebastian felt the anxiety of the situation hit him all at once. Just how long had Joseph been in here? He watched the figure huddled in the dark corner carefully as he approached. He said Joseph’s name once but there was no response. He noticed another figure on the wall, this one with a large trench coat and crossbow. His face was smeared up and he was far away, walking through a door.  What did that mean? Was this supposed to be Sebastian? And when Sebastian finally got a better look at the figure in the corner he saw that it was scratching something into the wall, he bit his lip to hold back a pained sound.

_You left me here._

“Joseph…”Sebastian said finally, unable to stop himself, “Joseph I’m right here….please…I haven’t left you.”

He hadn’t meant to, he thought he was dead…god if he’d known that Joseph was still alive in there he would have never left the mental hospital that day.

But he was here.

Joseph’s huddled form froze, and he turned slowly, Sebastian saw the glasses on the floor nearby, the frames were cracked. As if they’d been smashed. There were no tell-tale signs of the haunted on Joseph’s skin, but his expression was so like them it put Sebastian on edge. Seeing his partner like this was frustrating, angering, not at the world but toward himself. How could he have just…left?

“You…” Joseph muttered, “You!” he stood up fast, his hands covered in blood, his arms covered in self-inflicted wounds. Joseph did not look like he had in the past. His hair was mussed; his smooth, unblemished skin was smeared and dirty. His suit which had always been neat and clean as a point of pride was filthy and worn.  His warm brown eyes were bloodshot and filled with rage.

Sebastian didn’t know how to react when Joseph launched at him. He grappled with him trying to calm him down but he couldn’t calm himself down. This was his fault. “Joseph, stop!”

“You bastard!” Joseph screamed at him, “You’re not real!” he was tearing at Sebastian’s clothes, at his hair, scratching at his skin as if he wanted to rip him apart.

“Joseph it is me! I came back for you! Please realize-“

Sebastian was cut off abruptly when Joseph kissed him. It was jarring and he didn’t understand the intention behind it. Joseph pulled him closer, moaning, “It doesn’t matter that you’re not here anymore.” Joseph whispered against his mouth, “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me of him, Ruben.”

That shocked Sebastian out of his reverie and he shoved Joseph away hard, angry, and almost offended. How dare Ruben toy with Joseph like that?! Why would that even be…he recalled the things that Ruvik had done to them before, he played with their minds, with their memories. Did he know their hearts as well? Never mind that now, he needed to get Joseph out of here. “Joseph,” Sebastian said. Joseph was kneeling in front of him exhausted, confused, he gave Sebastian a pleading look, “Ruvik please, just let me-“ he reached out to Sebastian again and Sebastian slapped his hands away, Joseph flinched violently, “Seb-, Ruvik don’t-“

“I’m not Ruvik!” Sebastian snarled, “Dammit Joseph I came back to get you out of here!”          

Joseph simply laughed, a pitiless sound, “Ah, not this again. You don’t fool me, Ruvik.”

Sebastian felt his frustration building, how could be make him believe? “Joseph, please, you have to believe me, if you don’t I can’t help you.” he looked around, at the drawings on the wall, “I saw these, I know you think I left you but…but we…we all thought you were dead!”

Joseph watched him and laughed, “It didn’t work before. It won’t work now.”

“Kidman and I found you three days ago, you’re in a coma but we can still get you out so just…just come with me. “

Joseph was unhinged and quick to anger, “Don’t tell me what to do!” he snarled, “You don’t get to do that anymore!” he hissed, “Not since you left me here to _rot._ ”

Sebastian was desperate, he had to get him out, and god the idea of him being in here any longer like this, in this place was just…unbearable. He couldn’t explain everything, so much had happened, with Kidman, with Leslie, and with Sebastian himself. But Joseph had been in here all that time, losing his mind.

He turned and looked for something, anything to get Joseph to calm down and listen; he caught sight of the broken glasses and snatched them up. He went to Joseph and tried to put them on his face. “Joseph, here, look they’re yours, they’ll-“

Joseph slapped them away angrily, “What is wrong with you Ruvik!” he hissed, “Stop fucking around!”

Sebastian held the broken glasses in his hands, he stared down at them, “I remember what you said,” he said softly, Joseph’s hand touch his wrist, sliding up his arm. He was moving closer, trying to…do that again. God, it was so strange. Confusing.

“You said, that it wasn’t really about seeing…but feeling…feeling normal?”

Joseph was still trying to kiss him but when he said those words Joseph sat back and stared at him. Something broke in him, something that had been inside of him still clinging to hope. Whatever it was had made it possible for Ruvik to play these horrible games with his mind. Joseph covered Sebastian’s hands with his own. “He’s not coming back.” Joseph said, “Just like you always said.” His voice was low, trembling, filled with despair. “We both know that, still…you come in here, you let me believe that he…that we can…and you take him away every single time I try to pretend-“ he was trembling, there were no tears but it was like he had no tears left. “Just once, let me pretend.”

It was confusing as hell. It sure as hell was a bad time, the wrong time.

“Pretend what?”

But if it would make Joseph believe him. If it would get them the hell out of here, Sebastian would do anything.

Joseph whispered it, in the dark of the cell, “That you love me back.”

There was an old certainty in his voice, like he’d said it countless times before. Sebastian had never heard it, never even suspected that his partner felt like that for him. He knew there was no time to analyze what this meant, only that this was the chance he needed to get Joseph to believe him and leave this prison for good.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, “But you have to come with me after, and you’re gonna owe me an explanation. Got it?”

Joseph was staring at him with a quirked brow, “You’re a good actor, Ruvik, you almost sound just like him.”

Sebastian initiated the kiss, awkward as it was at first he was surprised by how Joseph reacted; he was gentle, not desperate, not angry just… gentle. Sebastian was distracted during the kiss because he kept trying to wipe smudges of blood and dirt off Joseph’s face. Joseph felt cold, so Sebastian pulled him closer, if only to wipe the dirt off his brow and comb back his hair with his fingers. He pulled back at one point and wiped a smudge off his chin. “Seb, stop.” Joseph grumbled, “We’re supposed to be making out.”

“We can still do that, but you need a bath.” Sebastian said, “You smell gross.”

“No working showers nearby, I don’t know if you noticed.” Joseph whispered sliding his fingers under Sebastian’s shirt. God it was so weird, but Sebastian let it happen, he looked into Joseph’s eyes, seeing the sad, lonely gaze of his friend and he reminded himself that had to keep it together. “What would you like me to do?” Joseph chuckled, “I have dreamed of this moment for so long…but…I can’t remember how it was supposed to go.” Joseph looked so miserable right then, “I’m finally here and I can’t…can’t do it right.”

Sebastian kissed Joseph again, only to stop him from falling apart again.

In any other circumstances, hell he was willing to have the discussion but not now, not here.

“Do you want me to take care of it?” he asked, “I could…use my hand.” He said awkwardly.

Joseph wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck and rested his face against his chest.

“But I’m dirty.”

“We can go somewhere and get cleaned up.”

Sure as hell wasn’t gonna work. But he’d try it anyway.

Joseph seemed resigned so Sebastian took advantage and picked him up in his arms.  Joseph didn’t make a sound, he allowed Sebastian to carry him out. He didn’t know, perhaps he didn’t want to know. Perhaps he’d truly given up fighting Ruvik and had decided to let it all end.

Sebastian didn’t see Joseph’s face when he looked into the mirror, didn’t see his reaction. But Joseph disappeared and Sebastian waited a few minutes before joining him.

They would have a lot to talk about after this.

 

 


End file.
